In Victorian times...

engraved wedding invitations in script were customary. A handwritten invitation on monogrammed family stationery was acceptable for small celebrations of 50 or fewer guests. However, any other deviation, such as the use of German text or old English, was considered a social faux pas. In the Information Age, changes in communication technologies and cultural mores are eroding the traditions of the past, leaving brides guessing when it's time to order wedding invitations. As an industry insider, Jay Bishop, with In Any Event and Wedding Invitations by Ann Bishop of Portsmouth, recently shared some basic etiquette tenets and general tips for brides to consider during the ordering process.

Selecting an Appropriate Invitation Style "The invitation sets the tone for the entire wedding," Bishop said. Thus, it's important for brides to select paper, font, and wording commensurate with the overall theme of the wedding. In other words, a black script engraved invitation on parchment paper may not be appropriate for an informal outdoor ceremony held at a state park, followed by a pig roast reception in an oversized backyard. In contrast, an invitation featuring funky font and a photo of the bride and groom on a motorcycle would send the wrong message if the ceremony was being held at a cathedral, followed by a black tie reception at a New England mansion. Wedding invitations should give guests some guidance as to whether the event is casual, formal, or somewhere in between.

Choosing the Right Paper Decades ago, selecting a paper was simple as there were two choices -- white or ecru. Currently, the range of available colors and textures can be overwhelming. "Coloring is one of the new trends," Bishop said. "I think in a very classy way it's entered into the social stationery." Yet, as mentioned earlier, brides should coordinate the paper selection and stationery motif with the overall theme of the wedding, including color scheme. Also, too much color can be distracting; wedding invitations shouldn't be so festive that they resemble an adolescent birthday party announcement.

Including Directions It's a common courtesy to include directions to the ceremony with the wedding invitation ensemble. After all, many guests will be from out of town, and it would be cumbersome for guests to lug around oversized maps or inconvenient to look up directions through an Internet service. At the same time, Bishop doesn't recommend including directions from the ceremony to the reception, as it can add extra weight and bulk to the invitation package. Ushers can be assigned the task of handing out directions before or after the ceremony. Also, Bishop said it's a good idea to make sure one of the ushers is well versed in giving verbal directions in case an out of state or senior guest needs extra assistance.

E-Mailing Invitations As electronic m Ordering Invitations Online Bishop said while the Internet provides some conveniences to modern brides ordering invitations, it also has limitations. "I think the Internet is a great support," he said. It allows the bride to share virtual sample styles with loved ones across the country. However, Bishop said it's a good idea to order through a company that has actual tangible samples. Some online companies offer a "knock off motif" of popular designs, which look great on the screen. However, the bride is often shortchanged with an invitation produced on paper suitable for a magazine or brochure, but too flimsy for an invitation. Ordering through the Internet, especially under a deadline crunch, can be a harrowing experience if the invitation is substandard. "You really don't have a leg to stand on," Bishop said.

Avoiding Insufficient Postage As paper weights vary, postage for wedding invitations can be difficult to predict. It makes sense to have an invitation weighed at the post office to ensure invitations aren't returned for insufficient postage or recipients aren't charged for postage due. Bishop said for an extra piece of mind, a bride should mail an invitation to herself in advance of a mass mailing. On a related note, Bishop said postal employees are usually quite accommodating when someone requests the hand cancellation of invitations with embellishments. He explained that blind embossed raised motifs or bows could be crushed by automated machine cancellations.

Including Registry or Gift Information Selecting wedding gifts can present a challenge for guests who want to ensure they select something meaningful or useful to the couple, especially considering many gifts are returned to stores or collect dust on closet shelves. However, it's not proper to reference gift preferences on wedding invitations. According to Bishop, the grapevine is still the best method to communicate registry information or the needs of the couple. Guests looking for assistance in selecting a gift should make inquires at the bridal shower or consult with wedding attendants or relatives of the bride or groom.

Ordering Enough Invitations As each item on the wedding checklist is addressed, expenses increase at an incredible pace, often forcing a bride to consider cutting costs. Bishop said in an effort to save money customers will often order the bare minimum number of invitations, not considering mistakes during the addressing process or additions to the guest list. "You want to be really careful," he said. "When trying to save money, you can end up spending more money." Bishop suggested adding 25 invitations to an average order to avoid a last minute supplemental order, which can be costly due to expedite charges and setup charges accompanying even small orders. Any leftover invitations can be used in a variety of ways, including doubling as gift tags for attendants' presents, to reinforce the overall theme of the wedding.

Wedding invitations aren't a mere piece of paper. They welcome friends and relatives to share the first day of the bride and groom's new journey together as life partners. Thus, it's not the time to disregard proper etiquette and customs of the past. Scottish sociological writer Thomas Carlyle once said tradition is a magnifier. "How a thing grows in the human memory and in the human imagination, when love, worship, and all that lies in the human heart, is there to encourage it."

E-mail is replacing traditional methods of communication in the workplace, it's also growing in popularity in social situations. Bishop said while wedding rules of the past are constantly being broken, he thinks replacing print invitations with electronic ones will be the last rule to fall by the wayside. "The computer generation is still pretty new," Bishop said. "Maybe in 30 years that will happen." As weddings are multi-generational, he said that it's not wise to e-mail invitations as many guests, especially grandparents, may not have a computer. If a bride is considering a formal wedding, electronic invitations are definitely not advised.

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